Paul doesn’t like his bedroom window well actually it’s not his window rather his parents window. Actually no it’s the banks’ window as pauls’ parents are still paying off their lifelong mortgage for a badly built 3 bedroom semi in a small underdeveloped town in dublins commuter belt. Paul doesn’t like the town much either as he doesn’t like swimming and gaelic games and there isn’t much else for paul to do outside of school time. Actually no, there is horse riding but that's too expensive and dangerous says pauls mammy and daddy. Paul has a list of what he likes and doesn’t like. Paul has a long list of things he doesn’t like, but someday Paul will work in a job he like, marry a girl he likes and have children (andrew & sarah) who like him.
Anyway so Paul doesn’t like ‘his’ window in ‘his’ bedroom because sometimes at night a crazy man looks through it, paul thinks he’s concocting a plan to murder paul. Sometimes the man looks through the window at paul, while paul pretends to be asleep. Paul can feel the mans eyes burn marks into his skin and pierce his soul which apparently can be sold to the devil at some american crossroads at night. Supposedly that’s how one can become a musician but Paul’s mammy says that it’s not true and only through practice can one become a musician at which point daddy makes a remake regarding his golf and a word paul doesn’t understand but used it once in school and got into trouble.
So the man is destroying pauls soul while simultaneously concocting a devious murder plot after which he shall escape to cuba to smoke cigars which have been rubbed along the crotches of elderly women. The elderly women in Pauls town smell funny and talk too much about nothing interesting like pokemon or soccer which paul loves. Paul is a big aston villa fan because daddy says Martin O’Neill is going to bring back the european glory days. Maybe this will mean paul can go live with nan and eat glorious buns all day and have stew on saturdays. Paul has friends who say they don’t like stew but paul thinks that’s because their Nan's don’t make it properly or their Nan's are in the grave yard where people’s bodies go after their souls go to heaven unless of course the soul were sold to the devil then the devil would have your soul forever and poke you with the fireplace poker except it’ll have 3 spokes instead of one because the devil had them specially made due to the sheer increase of work load. This increase in work load is due to the amount of people selling their souls to become musicians and then spending all their money on crack and whatnot and dying early deaths like the Pete fella will surly do. Dad says that pete fella didn’t have very good parents.
Ok yeah Paul now is worried about this madman outside his window. Surly he must be cold and tired, does he not work? Daddy is always tired when he comes home from work so this man, who paul has actually name frank, must be tired unless he still lives with his mum then his mum cook for him like pauls mum does. Although surly franks mum would give out to frank for being out so late and getting his clothes dirty. Also I’m sure franks mum would not approve of frank murdering paul as mammys are good natured and also know whats best and most importantly win all the arguements with daddy. Pauls thinks sometimes though that mammy has an unfair advantage since she decides who sleeps with her in her big bed or on the couch with yoda pauls black cat. Sometimes paul like to go into mammys room and sleep with daddy and her because of bad dreams induced by too much portsalu before bed time also when paul wets the bed he goes into mammys room. There’s the odd time though that mammy and daddy are angry and tell paul not to get into the big bed even though daddy is on top of mammy and there’s even more room than ever tonights one of those nights.
Frank sometimes when its windy knocks a branch of the near by tree against the window to make paul jump and then frank whistles pretending like he was as innocent as OJ simpson who is black. There is a black guy in pauls class called Ronald who once reported paul as a bully when paul said Ronald Mac Donald. apparently ronald had to move from his amazon rainforest homeland because ronal mac donald wanted to graise cattle there and this upset ronald but Paul really didn’t know this. It’s not fair when paul gets into trouble sometimes because he really didn’t know or understand what he may have done or what he may have said was bad. Paul said sorry but he knew he was innocent and also knew that this experience would probably leave some sort of mental damage which would affect him later in life.
So Frank must be allowed out late because its half nine and there is school tomorrow, maybe he doesn’t go to school. Paul would love not to have to go school and maybe just watch TV all day as all the good programs start at 9am and end at 3pm then they start again at 9pm and go on until Paul wakes up. Good television is like santa claus, no matter how early you get up you always seem to just miss him/it. Someday Paul will stay up all night and not have to worry about missing good tv or trying to get to sleep with franks eyes piecing through pauls skin and contaminating his soul.
When Paul owns a house he won’t have windows in his bedroom and it will be incased in a steel box like that movie with jodie foster which was very similar in context and feeling to the one of her on the aeroplane where she loses her child like Paul lost his action man’s utility belt. Paul knows a lot about films because his friend nicholas brings a magazine called empire into school because his da has a “subscrpition”. Paul gets to read empire after nicholas is finished with it in the toilet during big break which is 40mins long! sometimes after nicholas is finished with magazine it has stains on it like what snots look like when you have a runny nose. Paul usually just wipes the snots on the underside of the table where he puts all his snots although all his are green except when he helped daddy dig a hole for a second septic tank which mamy said was illegal and not to do it but daddy did it anyway. Daddy always says if bertie can get away with it why can’t I. so after digging that hole pauls snots were brown mammy said it was because of the dust paul thought this was great and played with the snot for 37mins.
Paul can’t leave his bed to go to the loo,
Because Paul would have to,
Turn on the light,
This would surly give him a fright,
When he looked outside at the crazy man,
Concocting a Nasty plan full of malice and spite.
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